The Smell of Heat.

My aunt turned to me and swore up and down that she could smell the heat. She was sitting on about the sixth row bleachers of the football stadium. And sure enough, as soon as she said it, I spotted the heaters that had been turned on to warm the home football team. I had to think about this again... before we saw the heaters, we smelled the heat. But heat doesn't smell, or does it?

Well, not exactly, but evidence of heaters being on can smell. You know... when you haven't used the heat in your house for 7 months and then you turn it on for the first time again. Then, you can smell heat. You know relief is coming as soon as you smell it.


As I was thinking about it this, it hit me. This is how I want to be. I am not Jesus. Sure, I want to be as much like Him as I can be. But I will never be Him. I will never be able to rescue people. Instead, I desire for people to tell by my life that someone far greater than myself has rescued me. I want to be the sign that relief is coming. I want to be the smell of heat.

Time to Rejoice

'Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the peace of God will be you.' -Philippians 4:4-9

And this is why the picture of the ball in the leaves. I saw this outside today while just trying to take in the last bit of the leaves before they are gone. This time of year is about rejoicing for me. Whether it's the idea of the upcoming holidays, the now undefeated Titans, or the simply beautiful creation that are these leaves. Whatever it is, it sure makes it easy to rejoice and to enjoy the good things in life. I can see God in these things.

God in Grits.

Looking into his eyes

I see his soul.

Bare. Barely there. Barely clothed.

Sore. Aching for warmth. Aching for truth.

And this morning he sees God.

Sees God in grits.

He never had been given a lot.

But he never complained.

Thankful for these grits.

It was his first warm meal in a while.

First smile and 'good morning', too.

Any sane man there was touched

By the way he lit up when the tray met his hands.

And this is why we do it.

Whether it be grits or oatmeal

An orange or a slice of bread,

That he or she may see God in it

And know that they are loved.

All Closed Up

A fist.

Previously used by this same man to get a felony.

Now used to tell a story.

To tell a story about love and Jesus.

And this is what he said:

'When you stay closed up like this, (showing his fist), nothing can get in to you. Your heart is closed. You can't give and, on top of that, you can't receive. You're all closed up.' 

The man he was talking to was confused. He'd never thought about it that way before. He always thought to avoid the action in hopes of keeping what he had to himself.

But the man showing his fist described that you can't stay all balled up for very long. You get tired and you give out. Whatever you had in your hand that you were gripping so tightly falls to the ground. And in the end, you lost it too.

Instead, he said leave your hand open. It requires no extra effort to keep it there. People can come and take from you. But that's okay because others will come and give to you. It's give and be given to. If you drop your own, then someone else will add back to your hand.

I had never thought about it like this before. But I think my friend is right. Spiritual growth does not come from keeping your gifts, your learning, your faith to yourself. Growth only comes from sharing with others and having them share with you.

Human.

His son plays football in the big league and just bought a real nice condo in the city of big shoulders. He is proud. You can see it in his smile when he talks about him. Today, he just needs a little extra butter to down these grits. It's been a tough week and, well, he's gonna need a good breakfast to have a good day.

Her allergies are worse this fall. You know the ragweed is bad this year. But she looks forward to the relief that winter will bring. And this morning she waits outside for her husband as he grabs a warm meal. But then finds out she can come in and eat. Embarrassed she's so excited, she tries not to smile too big.

His mother always made the best chocolate pudding. Two gallons a week he swears he must have gone through. Seems the telling makes the story bigger every time it's told. But more than anything he wants to be able to work hard enough to make his mom proud.

Being here, you can't help but notice that these people are real. Real like you. Real like me.

They have beating hearts. Often broken. Often scarred. But beating.

They have hope. Not in themselves. Not in others. In only One.

He may not have a good resume.

She may just be hanging on with her fingernails.

But they are. Trying. Working. Serving.

And this is how they are living. Yes, living.

Blessings in Surprise

"Romans 12. That's what you are. Romans 12.... Have you read it?"

Yes, I have. It's one of my favorites.

"Well, that's what you are. A living sacrifice. That's what it means. You."

I could feel my eyes swelling with tears. I changed the subject so he wouldn't be able to see how it touched me. If only he knew how little I felt at most times. Struggling so long with those questions that everyone asks themselves. Am I worth it? 

And I had come into this place, trying my best to bless others. Leaving each day more blessed than when I came.

I had no idea when I decided to do this, that this is what I was in for. Sometimes not knowing what life has in store creates some much needed surprises. Surprises that keep us headed down this path we didn't think we were good enough for.

In Need of a Fix

She throws her head back. For another shot. Another shot of whiskey.

Another shot she hopes will kill the pain. Another shot that will only delay it.

She cries out that she wants another life. That this one isn’t good enough anymore.

Really she’s crying out for help. Thinking she’s the one that isn’t good enough.

Her job isn’t fulfilling. Her relationships aren’t fulfilling. She isn’t fulfilled.

Life for her is about the next fix. She is the sum of her urges.

But when will she see?

That she is worth dying for. That she is loved. That she can love.

But she says she’s scared to quit drinking because she’ll have to face her problems.

Just wish she could see there’s someone that will face her problems with her.

If it were up to our own strength, no one could do it. No one is perfect. No one is strong enough alone. And I don’t expect her to be.

God knows my own mistakes that I’ve made. And he knows the struggles I've had. But knowing my pain, I ache for her to be free.

I’d give anything to give her another shot.

This time another shot at life. A different one. Another shot at being free from this.

More than Orange Juice

'His grace is sufficient' he said as he tossed the empty gallon of orange juice into the trash can. His grace is sufficient.

This morning, after the daily routine of cooking breakfast and serving the residents, the kitchen manager explained to the group of volunteer residents that God's grace is enough. Someone had sneaked into the pantry and helped himself to a gallon of orange juice. The manager explained to all the volunteers that this not only hurts others, but it hurts the thief even more.

This is the gist of what he said: 'When you go after whatever you want and disregard others, you end up in bad places. I know for a fact all of us ended up here because of bad decisions that we've made, but the good news is that we don't need all that other stuff. We know that God will provide even when it seems we have nothing. Because his grace is sufficient. I've been married for 30 years and since I've been in this program, I haven't been able to see my wife. But I know that it's worth it. I know God will provide. And I know that it will be better. It's a labor of love and it requires continual work, not just showing up for random days when you feel like it.'

Without knowing this man, I felt like I knew him. He had emptied his soul, because he was pretty sure that's all he had left. And he was willing to give it up for others.

"Wow." I thought to myself. He thought that he was addressing the group of residents that had worked hard to serve others that morning. But, no, he was certainly addressing me. It was my bad decisions that brought me here. No, I may not be living here like the other residents, but certainly my sin has made me realize that there is much more to this world than me. It's what brought me through those entrance doors. And I thank God for that. And I thank God that His grace IS enough. 

For so long, I haven't been able to forgive myself for where I've gone wrong. But now, I realize I will never be able to move on, to learn, and to help others until I forgive myself and allow God to forgive me. Everyone has done wrong, it's those that are able to stop and transform themselves that will be able to use the bad for good and impact others. And it's here in this place, that I learned that serving others, certainly has a bigger impact on the servant than on the ones being served. It is this transformation that makes a life good. To be able to serve the lowest and the highest man on the totem pole as your equal, because he is.